


The Purrfect Setup

by lunar_mischief



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: innuendos abbound, kitties!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-01
Updated: 2014-11-01
Packaged: 2018-02-23 11:26:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2545838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunar_mischief/pseuds/lunar_mischief
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Birthdays are special days. They shouldn't be special because they're the first time you walk in on your brother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Purrfect Setup

“Mew.”

“Shut up, you damn cat. Al can’t know you’re here,” Ed growled, glaring at the small tabby. The cat rubbed into Ed’s legs, purring and looking up hopefully.

“What, are you hungry or something? I’ll…Damn it, I forgot to buy food! I’ll be back. But you,” Ed pointed at the feline. “You stay in here and keep quiet, ok?” Ed stared down at the cat, which continued to purr. “Good. I’ll be back soon.”

Ed slipped out of his room and shut the door behind him, bumping into Al.

“Oh, brother! I was just about to knock on your door! Who were you talking to?”

Ed froze. “I…was talking to Winry.”

Al narrowed his eyes. “Ed, don’t lie to me. Winry’s not here.”

“Yes she is. She, uh, got here this morning while you were still sleeping,” Ed lied wildly, “but she’s doing work, so don’t bother her. You know how she gets when you interrupt her.”

Alphonse nodded fervently. “She won’t even know I’m here.”

“Good. I’ll see you later, then.” Ed grabbed his coat and made his way to the door.

“Where are you going?”

“Just to the store. Winry’s mad that there’s no milk in the house. Still don’t know how she drinks that stuff.” Ed muttered, opening the door.

 Al sighed, “It’s really not that bad, you know.”

“Are you kidding me? It’s the most disgusting stuff on the planet!” the older brother shivered.

Al laughed. “You’d better get going. Don’t want to keep Winry waiting, or do you want another wrench to the head?”

“You know, it’s amazing that she hasn’t given me a concussion yet,” Ed sighed. “I’ll be back in a little bit,” the blond called over his shoulder, closing the door behind him.

Al sighed. _I thought he’d wish me a happy birthday_. _He’s never forgotten before…_ Alphonse went back down the hall to his room when he heard a squeaking noise. He shrugged it off and went to open his door, but heard another squeal. Brow furrowed in confusion, he slowly turned around and listened. Nothing. He shook his head and turned back to his door once again, prepping to enter it for the third time when he heard a light scratching sound and another squeak. Hesitantly, he made his way over to Ed’s door and lightly knocked on it.

“Winry? Are you ok in there?” he called.

The squealing got louder and the scraping more prevalent.

“...Win?” He softly placed his ear to the door and listened for a moment. After another few cries from inside, the noises stopped. Alphonse strained to listen for any noise, but couldn’t hear anything. Figuring it was probably just Winry working, he finally went into his room. He pulled out a book, sat down at his desk, and began to read.

It was around noon when Alphonse reemerged for lunch. After making a sandwich, he walked back to his room. Hearing some noises again, he paused as he passed Ed’s door and quietly made his way back over, trying desperately to hear what was inside the door.

“I’m back.” The voice was muffled through the door.

_Is that Ed? When did he get back?_ Al pushed his head harder against the door, straining to listen. The squealing became more prominent and insistent.

“I know, I’m sorry for making you wait for me. But you’d better like what I’m about to give you. I had to sneak in the window so Al wouldn’t know.”

Alphonse jumped back. _Are they really..? I wish he would have just told me he needed the house…_ Al was about to run under his covers and hide when the doorbell rang. Tilting his head in confusion, he made his way to the door and opened it.

“Happy Birthday, Al!” Winry beamed as soon as the door opened enough for her to push her way inside.

“W-Winry? What are you doing here?”

“What’s that supposed to mean? You and Ed told me I could come over anytime!” she frowned.

“No, that’s not what I meant. I mean-”

“Alphonse Elric. Are you telling me that you don’t want me here?” Winry asked, reaching for her weapon of choice.

“No!” Al shouted, raising his arms up defensively. “You are welcome anytime you want! It’s just-”

“Just what, Al?”

“You were just in Brother’s room!”

Winry blinked. “I was?”

“Ed said you’ve been here since this morning…But Ed’s doing traumatizing things in his room with you right now…” Al cocked his head at Winry. “So how can you be both here and there at the same time?”

Winry’s eyes widened. “I mean, of course I was here! I just…stepped out for a minute!”

“…Through a window?” the boy asked disbelievingly.

“I just needed some fresh air,” Winry laughed, rubbing her neck with her free hand.

“But there’s a bush in front of the window,” Al accused, narrowing his eyes.

Winry narrowed her eyes right back. “I climbed through it.”

“Then why didn’t you go back in that way?”

“Because it has thorns.”

“Then why’d you go into it in the first place?”

“I didn’t know it did until after I climbed out.”

Al’s eyes narrowed further and he challenged, “Did you get cut?”

“Yes.”

“Show me.”

Winry pointed to a scratch on her forearm. “You seem to have all the questions today, Al.”

“You seem to have all of the answers.”

They considered each other for a minute.

“Now then, if you’re finished-”

“Oh, I am.” Al interrupted.

“Good, then I’ll go see Ed.”

“You know the way.” Al stepped to the side, allowing Winry to stride past him to Ed’s room. _Thank goodness I snuck over last night to see Ed. That scratch from the thorns just saved me!_

Al watched as Winry slipped into Ed’s room, quietly closing the door behind herself.

“Wait…so what were they doing?” Al shook his head. “Nevermind. I don’t want to know.” Al padded back to his room, but paused before opening his door, instead making a decision he was sure to regret. He walked back across the hall and placed his ear against his brother’s door.

“He’s such a cutie! Look at the little thing! Can I touch him?” Winry asked.

“He’s not that little…” Ed grumbled. “Would I have invited you over if you couldn’t?”

“I could stroke him all day…Come here, I need to kiss you!” she cooed.

“The licking feels a little strange.”

“It’ll get better, I promise!”

“Yeah, may- hey, that tickles!” Ed laughed.

“You know you like it.”

“Maybe a little.”

Al stood still as stone outside the door, a horrified look etched on his face. Were they really…?

“You know, I think I’m starting to like the licking.”

“See? I told you you would!”

“Brother!” Al squealed, jumping out of his stupor. “Not with me in the house!” He ran back to his room. “And today of all days!” he yelled before slamming the door and covering himself in blankets, trying to erase the horrible images his mind had created.

“...What was that about?” Winry asked.

“Who knows?” Ed sighed. “I’d better go check on him. Watch the little furball for me, kay?” Ed left the room without waiting for a response. “Al?” he called lightly, knocking gently on the door. “You ok in there?”

“Go away.”

“Come on, Al. How am I supposed to know what I did wrong if you won’t even talk to me.”

A shuffling was heard inside and the door opened.

“You...you…And with me in the house!”

“Al, I don’t know what you’re-”

“And I’m a minor!” Al shouted.

Ed stared, confused. “Ok, let’s try that again. Al, what’s wrong? And please, details.”

"D-details?!" Al choked. "You want me to- brother, that's sick!"

Ed gaped at his sibling for a minute before asking slowly, "Al, are you feeling alright?"

"How could I possibly be alright when my brother wants to have a threesome with me?" Al squeaked.

"A what?!" Ed yelped. "Why the hell would you think that?"

“I don't know, maybe because you and Winry were just - and now you're asking me for details and I just - I didn't realize this is what growing up meant!" the younger blond cried.

"Oh my god, Al-"

"I always thought being an adult would be fun, but this..."

"Al-"

Alphonse grabbed onto his brother's coat and began to shake him. "Where did my childhood go?"

"Al!" Ed shouted. "We weren't-"

"Is everything okay?" Winry asked, poking her head out the door.

"You're corrupting my brother!" Al accused as he turned on the girl.

“Huh? We haven’t even - oh no!" The door had opened just wide enough for the kitten to escape its confines.

"I can't believe that you would - Kitty!" Alphonse was successfully distracted from his rant by the approaching feline. He cooed, picking up the cat and holding it close. "Who's a happy kitty? You're a happy kitty!" He played with the kitten for a moment longer before pausing. "Why do you have a cat?" he asked, eyeing his brother suspiciously. Whenever he had a cat in his room, his brother would always yell at him to put it back outside (not that he listened).

Ed sighed, smiling. "It was supposed to be a surprise. Happy Birthday, Al."

"You got me a cat?" Al asked, shocked.

"Yup."

"And I can keep him?"

Ed nodded. "That's right."

"And I can get him playmates?

"Absol - no! No! You get one cat, Al. One."

"But she'll get lonely!" Al protested.

"You're not getting another cat."

Al brought out the puppy eyes. "Please, brother?"

Ed tried to resist, he really did. "Damn it. Fine, you can get another. But just one!  And the same gender. We don't need sixteen cats running around here," Ed muttered under his breath.

"Thanks, brother! This is the best birthday ever!"

"Yeah, well, thank Winry. She convinced me to get you one and all," Ed admitted grudgingly.

"Really?" Al asked, shocked. "Wow, thanks, Win. That was really - wait a minute." Al's eyes narrowed. "You didn't really sneak out of Ed's window, did you?"

"Not tonight, no," she admitted.

"Well, I suppose it's okay," Al said, smiling down at his new pet, "given the circum - you mean you've snuck in before?” he asked, horrified.

Winry eyes widened. “Well, I mean, that is to say-”

“Make it two cats,” Ed cut into the brewing argument flatly.

Al turned to face the elder Elric. “Really?” he asked, bouncing. “Thank you, brother!” He ran and stuck is head out his window. “Which one should I pick?”

Ed walked over to the window curiously. “What are you…?” He blinked.

Sitting outside and staring right at him were fourteen cats

Ed swallowed and turned back to Winry with wide eyes. “What have I done?”

**Author's Note:**

> As always, many thanks to the wonderful MoonClaimed for fixing this up for me.


End file.
